When One Thing Lead To Another
by Hinata And Asuka
Summary: After a strange twist of fate, Kabuto is suddenly the stepfather of Gaara. This is history in making, people. [OCs, OOCness and the only pairing in Fanfiction history: Kabuto x Karura. KARURA IS NOT AN OC! READ TO FIND OUT!]
1. The Annoucements

When One Thing Lead To Another

-x-x-x-

Authoress' notes- You've read every crack Naruto fanfiction at your disposal.

You've read the times when Naruto and Sasuke decided to take it up a level. Call it "best friends with benefits" if you must.

You're read the stories, the good, the bad and the ugly, when Itachi and Kisame defied Akatsuki decency (if there IS any decency in Akatsuki of which we speak) and made romance to one another. (Kinda gross, but you've read it.)

Your best friend dared you to write a Saku x Ino yuri. Hey, it got 100 reviews, despite the fact 95 of them were flames.

You got around to reading Hyuugacest too. And boy, who knew Neji could be so sadistically cruel yet oh-so tender to Hinata.

You've even pored over the tales when Gaara, Lee and Gai got totally wasted and decided to have "fun" in the closet.

Simply put, you've read the best and worst and you've seen all the best and worst pairings out in the Naruto fanfiction world. You think this story you've ventured to is no exception. I mean, you've read literally every Naruto story, right? Nothing could come a surprise here.

Well, hate to break it to ya but you're wrong.

Nothing, and we mean _NOTHING_, is going to prepare for this certain tale, no matter how many yaoi, yuri, Sandcest, Uchihacest, Hyuugacest, every type of "-cest" we didn't cover, no matter how many ANYTHING you've studied. Maybe we're bragging but some will have to agree after reading a couple of chapters. This pairing is THE only one of its kind. No exceptions, no phonies. It's not going to happen again in the entire history of and it's certainly not gonna happen in the actual anime/manga.

Provided, of course, you've read a story with the main romantic pairing being Kabuto x Gaara's mom that is currently outside our profound knowledge. Have you? No? WE DIDN'T THINK YOU DID:D

Long but meaningful rant about flamers at the bottom.

Disclaimer- We don't own the series _Naruto_, Sabaku no Gaara, his mother, Yakushi Kabuto and the rest of the Sand Team.

-x-x-x-

Everyone foolishly believed that beauty pageant was over and behind them. After Asuka Naohito had kicked Lady Karura's ass back to her home in Sand, peace and dullness was restored.

Until Karura made the announcements.

(Brief note- The beauty pageant that's frequently mentioned in this chapter is from a story in Asuka's separate FF account called _Ice_. If you've read this story, you'll know what "beauty pageant" we speak of.)

The Sand Siblings were quietly eating breakfast which their mom had happily prepared for them. They knew something was up because Karura _never_ made any sort of food, let alone breakfast, even if it was a Poptart. No, she usually made her husband the Kazekage or the kids make the edible stuff. Now that she was a widow (and enjoying every second of it), she made her kids do the work. The only time she even bothered to prepare anything was when something was gonna go down or if it was Garbage Eve.

What the bleep is Garbage Eve? And why would you make breakfast over it? I have no clue. Go ask Karura yourself, moron.

Anyway…

The Sand Sibs knew something was up with their mom. Well, Kankurou was too busy chowing down but Gaara and Temari were observant.

"Okay, enough hiding it," Temari declared. "Why are you so cheerful today?"

"Aren't I usually cheerful?"

"You are but today you're a creepy cheerful," Gaara stated. "Did we win the lotto, Mother?"

"No. AND I WAS ONE NUMBER OFF TOO! ONE FUCKING NUMBER!" Karura screeched. She quickly regained her composure. "Heh, but no. Guess why I'm so happy."

"You're getting Dad's pension?"

"As if. Keep going."

"There was a tally error in the pageant and you actually won."

"… Not quite…"

"We give up…"

"So soon. Pfft. Just like that bastard father of yours," she commented. Karura stuck out her left hand and on her ring finger, there was a simple gold band. "I'm getting married again!" the kunoichi trilled. "And I just found out I'm pregnant too! Isn't that wonderful?" Temari and Gaara spat out the partially chewed contents on Kankurou. Kankurou, being the failure that he is, didn't even notice.

"You're WHAT?" Temari gasped. "We're getting a stepdad?"

"And a new sibling."

"I'm going to kill them both," Gaara growled. Karura let out a sigh.

"Oh, come on, now. Kabuto isn't _that_ bad. You met him at the pageant, remember?" Temari fell out of her chair. Gaara gawked at his mother. Kankurou, ONCE AGAIN, didn't pay attention.

"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED TO KABUTO? _AND_ YOU'RE CARRYING HIS BABY TOO?" the blond screeched. "THAT'S ADULTERY, MOM!"

"It is not!" Karura scoffed. "He's only 23, you know."

"He's 23?" Gaara repeated almost disbelievingly. Temari gagged.

"AUGH! You serious? I had a crush on him!" she groaned. "Sick. And I can't believe he's gonna be my stepdad too!"

"As much as it's awkward to ask," Gaara began, clearly disgusted, "how did you two…?"

"Well, he was checking me out when we were playing strip poker aaaaand--"

"Ugh. That. I remember now."

"But after the pageant, he asked me to a date and one thing lead to another and…" She grinned. "The wedding's in 5 days, by the way."

"5 DAYS?" Temari yelled. "What the--? Why were we notified of it at the lat minute?"

"Meh…"

"'Meh'?"

"Yes. 'Meh'. What else do ya want me to say?"

"Are we required to go to the wedding?" Temari asked.

"Well, it'd be nice to Kabuto and me," her mother responded, sounding a bit angry. "After all, you were suppose to be a bridesmaid, Temari…" She magically pulled out a gorgeously stunning dress and held it up. "You were going to wear this." Temari, being any teenage girl when they see a hot dress (or at least, like most), squealed and jumped up and down.

"AWMIGAWSH! If I get to wear _that_, count me in!" she gushed. Gaara looked at his mother expectantly.

"Don't worry, honey. I bought you and Kankurou some tuxedos from Goodwill." She held up two moth-bitten tuxedos, one that looked uber-small and the other looked for an elephant. When she spotted Gaara's stare of obvious disdain, she flatly added, "Or you could wear the dress," raising up a pink, feathery and sequin-covered hooker outfit, completed with fishnet.

Gaara mused his options.

20 minutes later…

"That dress is extremely tempting but I have to refuse it. Thank you anyway, Mother."

"Aww… you would've looked so cute in it too… ah well." She tossed the clothing on the floor and started cleaning up the dishes while humming the Super Mario Brothers themesong.

Indeed things would get interesting in 5 days time.

End of Chapter 1.

Goddess' afternote- Yea. Chapter 1 is done. Not what you expected, huh? I was right. :D I wrote this entire chapter and I'm quite proud of myself. Crack fics aren't usually my specialty. Asuka's magic touch appears in the next chapter. And if you thought this one was special, keep reading. These chapters get more and more special as they go on.

Before I forget… there's one more thing to cover: flamers. Asuka feels differently about them but this is my afternote so you get to hear me. And my feelings towards you (and probably other authors' feelings): Why on Earth do you waste your time criticizing a work an author put so much genuine time and effort into? I suppose people have flamed somebody once, accidentally or intentionally and maybe they thought it was constructive criticism and I can totally understand that, but the people who do it on a frequent basis with no good intentions behind their comments are just ignorant jackasses who really shouldn't have accounts on FF. Seriously. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE STORIES YOU READ OR DON'T HAVE ANYTHING KIND TO SAY ABOUT IT THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. Simple as that. In fact, if you're a chronic flamer and reading this, then go ahead and flame this story. It'll just prove my point about you. Flamers never cease to annoy/amaze me.

But for the people who like this story, then yay. Please review. Flames gladly accepted as a challenge to my behalf to prove my opinion is correct. Ja ne.


	2. The Wedding

When One Thing Lead To Another

-x-x-x-

Authoress' notes- Woot. Chapter 2 we have gotten to. That rhymed… I'm so cool… actually, _we're_ cool…

And I have nothing more to say…

Disclaimer- We don't own the series _Naruto_, Sabaku no Gaara, his mom, Yakushi Kabuto and the rest of the Sand Team.

-x-x-x-

It was a picture perfect wedding. The bride looked beautiful, her dress long, white and lacy, with gorgeous long hair cascading down her back in ringlets. Tears flowed from her pale eyes as she whispered "I do," to her dearly beloved.

Suddenly, a girl with long, curly midnight-blue hair crashed through the doors. She surveyed the wedding before her eyes.

"Oh, snap! Wrong wedding!" she muttered, slapping her forehead.

"I… uh… now pronounce you man and wife! You may… um… kiss her bride!" stammered the priest, obviously trying to ignore this strange girl. Uchiha Itachi kissed her new wife, Hyuuga Hinata, tenderly.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwww…" cooed the mysteriously girl. "Well, ja ne!" She waved, disappearing in a puff of ninja smoke, her pale gold dress fluttering around her.

-x-x-x-

Karura ran around frantically.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY MAID OF HONOR?" she screamed. Temari followed her, nearly in tears.

"Mother, _please_ settle down! We have to get you in your dress and do your hair and makeup…" begged Temari. Finally, she gave up and flopped into the nearest chair. "Gaara… restrain our mother, please."

Gaara frowned. But nonetheless, he restrained Mom-- using sand, of course-- while his sister dressed her mother, curled her hair and applied makeup. And although she knew the only reason her mother was cooperating was because Gaara could-- and probably would if he had the bleak chance-- squeeze the life out of her in an instant, Temari couldn't help but to feel maybe, just maybe, she and her mother were bonding.

Yeah, right.

As soon as Gaara released her, Karura resumed her running around and screaming.

"WHERE _IS_ SHE?"

"Chill out. I'm right here," a cool voice rang out. A mysterious girl with midnight blue hair and a pale, gold bridesmaid dress leaned against the door way.

"ASUKA! IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!" Karura screeched lividly. Temari looked confused.

"Um… Mom… if Asuka-san is your mortal enemy, why did you invite her to the wedding? And make her your Maid of Honor?" she asked.

Karura shrugged. "Because."

"Don't question your mother," Asuka smirked. Then she clapped her hands together. "LET'S GET THIS WEDDING STARTED, BABY!" she yelled.

-x-x-x-

Sohma Sarai, Sonic the Hedgehog, Haiyuko Hinata and Hyuuga Neji sat in the pews. Orochi-hime sat in the far back by a corner.

It was a small wedding…

At the front of the church, Karura and Kabuto stood, ready to take their vows. Asuka, being the Maid of Honor, and Temari, being a bridesmaid, stood behind Karura. Gaara, who was resentfully being the best man, stood behind Kabuto. Kankurou was under the altar, fast asleep. (Some would say "beat up, bound, gagged, knocked unconscious and stuffed under the altar".)

"If anyone has a legitimate reason why this woman and this man shouldn't be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace," droned the minister. Several people began to raise their hands but Karura cut them off with a death glare.

"In that case, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

"STOP THE WEDDING!" a thick-accented voice called. A gigantic ogre accompanied by a donkey burst into the chapel rather suddenly. Everyone stared.

"Fiona, don't marry him!" the ogre breathlessly began/ "He's only marrying you so he can become king!"

"Um, Shrek? WRONG WEDDING!" the donkey yelled. "Man, I _told_ you we got here too early! Their wedding's still taking place!" Shrek's ears drooped.

"Oh… heh, my bad," he grinned sheepishly. "Carry on. And may you have happy years ahead of ya."

"Easy for you to say," snapped Orochi-hime tearfully. "I WANTED TO MARRY YOU, KABUTO! AND THEN RAPE YOU SENSELESSLY AND THEN AFTER THAT, I WANTED TO KILL YOU! AND THEN I WANTED TO BURY YOU IN MY KABUTO SHRINE I CREATED!"

"Um…" Kabuto began. "That's a little bit-- OW! OY! Why did you kick me, you black-eyes brat?"

"Because I don't like you," Gaara snarled. Kabuto sneered.

"Awww… is the baby teme raccoon child of Satan upset because Bad-Ass Kabuto will be Mommy's ultimate center of attention? GET OVER IT, KID!" Gaara twitched as an insane look filled his eyes and leapt onto Kabuto's back, taking a decent chunk out of him, starting a sudden, full-fledged riot. While everyone was beating each other up, Shrek and Donkey just stood.

"THE CAKE!" Donkey unexpectedly yelled. "TAKE THE CAKE AND RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" Shrek snatched the delicious dessert and bolted off with his friend, never to be seen again.

And guess what certain failure of a makeup-wearing puppeteer slept through it all.

End of Chapter 2.

Asuka's afternote- This is Naohito Asuka, at your service! I actually wrote part of this chapter. I wrote a lot, didn't I? -laughs- I love you all for reading this chapter. But I'll love you more if you REVIEW! If you flame us, I'll barbeque you! SAAAAAAAAAAVE THE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGOES!

Goddess' afternote- You and your mangoes, Asuka… geez. Anywho, just me and I hope there ARE some souls out there that are reading this. Not many but oh well. Life goes. Asuka wrote the first half of this chapter. I wrote everything from "STOP THE WEDDING!" and down. Anywho, read and review. Ja ne.


	3. TAKE BACK THE CAAAKE!

When One Thing Lead To Another

-x-x-x-

Authoress' notes- If you haven't figured it out already, the main pairing will never be possible. Provided Kabuto is some sort of necrophile. Which is a bit weird, even for our standards…

By the way, how did all of this start again?

It's a very long, complicated inside joke where we randomly were passing notes and… Asuka knows more than I do cuz I forget easily (It was a year or so ago.) but the joke was born there. We started using the phrase, "Gaara's mom is so prettier than you!" or, in Asuka's case, "I'M SO PRETTIER THAN GAARA'S MOM!" We decided to write a "beauty pageant" on it but then, Asuka enforced the idea into her story, _Ice_. Unfortunately, her story was lost so you won't be able to find it on her account. She is retyping it though from memory to tighten some details and whatnot… but yea…

Now you are informed. Get reading.

Disclaimer- We don't won the series _Naruto_, Sabaku no Gaara, his mother, Yakushi Kabuto and the rest of the Sand Team. By the way, there's gonna be a lot of Kankurou bashing in this story. And, if we get around to it, Kmart bashing too. We hate Kmart. Go Wal-Mart.

-x-x-x-

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, THEY STOLE THE CAKE!" screamed Asuka, stopping her attempt to stomp on Kabuto's glasses while they were still on his face.

"WHAT?" Karura screeched, ceasing her tries to pull out Asuka's hair.

Speaking of Asuka's hair…

"Was your hair always dark blue?" Karura asked.

"Nope! I dyed it after the pageant."

"Ohhh…"

"I hate to interrupt your pointless questions, Mother, but that hideous ogre is getting away…" Gaara pointed out.

"AFTER HIM!" cried our heroine.

(Goddess: We have a heroine?

Asuka: Of course! The heroine of _this_ story is Karura!

Goddess: … Sure…)

The entire wedding party chased after the dessert stealers.

Well, _almost_ everyone. Orochi-hime continued sobbing in a dark corner, Kankurou was still sleeping under the alter (hackLAZYMANWHORETHATTAKESAFTERYASHAMARUSTUPIDCROSSDRESSINGPIXIESTICKhackhack) and Gaara didn't exactly feel the need to chase after a freaking cake.

Karura stuck her head through the imaginary the authoresses just made up.

"Gaara darling, I forget to mention… they also took your mint-chocolate chip quadruple fudge swirl ice cream."

Gaara froze.

They could crash his mother's wedding, steal the $364.92 wedding cake and even stuff him into a matching tube top and miniskirt. (Gaara shuddered as he remembered what happened to Uchiha Sasuke at the pageant.)

(Authoress' notes- Again, the whole Sasuke being stuffed into that apparel is from _Ice_.)

But no one-- and we mean NO ONE-- stole his mint chocolate-chip quadruple fudge swirl ice cream and got away with it.

Gaara followed his mother.

-x-x-x-

Several exhausting hours later…

Shrek and Donkey were nowhere to be found. (Well, we did say "never to be seen again".)

Karura shrugged. "Meh. A cake's not that important anyway…"

"BUT WHAT ABOUT MY ICE CREAM?" wailed Gaara extremely uncharacteristically.

"Hehe… about that…" Karura grinned sheepishly. "I kinda made that up so you'd come along…" Seeing Gaara's enraged expression, she added, "I love you?"

Gaara disappeared in a flurry of sand. His mother sighed happily.

"He's so cute when he's about to go on a killing spree," she murmured.

"Yea…" Kabuto, who appeared from thin air, slipped an arm around his newly-wed wife. "But he's gonna be a pain in the ass if he starts another riot…" Karura gave Kabuto a confused look.

"Eh?"

"We could've avoided this whole thing had Gaara not bit me."

"… Seriously."

"Yup." There was a silence.

"GAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Karura screeched. "ONCE I FIND YOUR SANDY ASS, YOU ARE SOOOOO GROUNDED, YOUNG MAN!"

End of Chapter 3.

Goddess' afternote- I just realized this chapter was incredibly short… I usually write chappies with a minimum of 1,000 words but this is only about 700 or so. Oh well. Please review. I'M STILL WAITING FOR YOUR FLAMES, FLAMERS SO GO AHEAD! I don't give a shit. Asuka might but I don't. I'll just gain satisfaction from you, which is counter-intuitive, isn't it? Ja ne.


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